The River

(ok guys … this is a long one … be warned … but it’s worth squeezing every drop out of every moment)

I’ve grown weary raging against the sea. At first I thought I was railing against forces much bigger than I; stronger than I; more powerful than I. But I’m good at playing the underdog; at picking up the role of David and taking up arms against Goliath in a battle of disproportionate worlds.

But this battle feels different. This battle is not a solid battle of worlds. It is not even a battle of ideas or ideologies. I felt this as I railed against the sea. I felt it deep inside my core. My battle is neither with the sea nor any other tangible or ephemeral thing. My battle rages within. The forces of the sea are not real, they don’t exist. The forces pushing and pulling at me sit dead center in my core. These tidal waves of pressure are an illusion. A phantom conjured up by my monkey mind. And once I realized that, once I became one with the sea, my raging vanished like so much gossamer.

So, for a moment, I thought, I have Serenity, Peacefulness. I thought by letting go of my thirst for adventure, excellence, excitement, I had attained something.

Nope, nope, nope. As soon as I wanted nothing, I realized that want, the want of nothing, had me raging against myself again. Raging to let go of excellence. Raging to let go of expanding myself, expanding those around me, expanding everything I touch.

So for the past few days I’ve been vacillating between trying to be a serene empty vessel and trying to pull my world forward.  Two Trying’s … two wants that are exactly at opposite ends.

The Trying of Serenity forces me to relinquish all cravings for excellence. All wants for the next best thing

The Trying of Achievement forces me to relinquish all cravings for peacefulness and to continue to fight the good fight at all costs

You can have Serenity or Achievement but not both. And suddenly I’m raging against the machine … again.

And there it was. My answer … for today at least. Staring me right in the face. It is the Tyranny of the Or. We don’t have to pick, to choose. It is the choice that is causing the rift in time and space. The need to pick one child over the other.

When I replaced the Tyranny of the Or with the Freedom of the And, my perspective shifted.

For my soul to grow and my spirit to remain centered I need to pursue Serene Excellence.

What is Serene Excellence? It is our ability to pull the human race forward without the hard edge of ego. It comes from being the sea. Being the River. Being Water.

I know we’ve all heard this before, but hearing it and having it flow through you are two different things.

In order to be water, to pursue Serene Excellence, you have to let go of outcome. Stop worrying about where the river is taking you and become the river. At times soft and supple, and at times hard, forceful, caring out Grand Canyons through time. The river never worries about where it is going to end up. It just is the river.

So take your course, the journey matters, not winning the battle. Inching your way one drop at a time. Exploring each moment fully (or as Eckhart Tolle says experiencing the Power of Now).  If you become the river, let go of outcome, be present for the journey, you can experience Serene Excellence, if only for a moment.

So here’s my question: “What battle rages inside you?” “What expectation are you holding on to so tightly that it stops you from flowing?” Could you let go of outcome just once today but keep flowing? If you can, you may experience Serene Excellence if only for a moment.

See you on the wire

-- Steven Cardinale