I didn't have a choice

Have you ever heard that?  "I didn't have a choice", or "I had to do ...", or "It wasn't up to me"

It's interesting that we say these things but rarely are they true.  In fact the vast majority of the time not only do we have choice, but we are the only ones who have the choice.  It is exceedingly rare that someone else forces us to do something.  Even in the context of life-and-death decisions we have the choice (it's an interesting concept put forth by James Carse in his book "Finite and Infinite Games" that we can choose not to play the game, and in life-and-death decisions that choice may be not to live, but it's still a choice).

In fact we are little decision-making machines.  We make choices every moment of every day.  We choose what to focus on, what things mean in our lives, how to react to things.  Just think about the choices you are making in reading this.  You can read it on a mobile device, your computer, print it out, you can choose to read this entry or something else, you can choose to stop here or read to the end.  We always have choice, which means we are always empowered.

So that is the problem I have with the "I didn't have a choice" statement.  When we say that we are disempowering ourselves.  We are saying that things are out of control and out of our hands and it's not our fault.  Ah, there it is.  The truth behind the statement.  If I say "I didn't have a choice" then I don't have to take responsibility for what is happening to me, around me, because of me.

So here's the question: "what choices are you making today, right now in fact, that you think you're not choosing but in fact are completely up to you?"  Go ahead, look around, we'll wait.  Is it a work choice ("I have to do this project right now" ... not true by the way, you can talk to your boss to get reassigned, do the project later, delegate pieces of the project ...), a food choice, a physical choice (working out or not), a personal choice (doing something you've always wanted to do)?

I guess lately I've been thinking that I have so many things to do that are not my choice.  But I realized last night that statement is not where I want to be.  So I started looking at why I was choosing what I chose.  And then decided to do something different.  And OMG what a difference that makes.

It's all up to you.  All you have to do is decide.

So make a choice, see what happens, and let us know ... we're waiting

See you on the wire

-- Steven Cardinale