I was having a conversations with a very dear friend of my yesterday, and we were talking about "what's your question" and "what's your story" (future blog coming on that one). And it got me thinking, that in order to have a story, in order to have a question, there are some underlying labels that we put on ourselves. Practical labels like:
Father
Executive
Wife
Manager
Worker Bee
Leader
Boyfriend - girlfriend
And descriptive labels like:
Forgetful
Confused
Lost
Bad at math
Alone
Scared
Of course we all have these labels. I work for someone, I'm someones girlfriend, I'm someones boss, I'm bad at math. But these labels are just that ... words that describe what were doing at the moment. Read that again ... WHAT WERE DOING AT THE MOMENT. Not who we are. Unfortunately we tend to take these labels and let them start to define WHO we are and not WHAT we're doing. I know I do that ... do you?
And once we label something, and take that labeling into our hearts, it is hard to shake that label off. When the label defines us it takes a huge amount of courage to shake off that definition and change the labeling ... or get rid of the attachment to the label altogether. When we say we're an executive ... then it is hard to be of "service to others" since we always HAVE to be in charge. When we say we're someones boy/girl friend, and it's in our DNA, then it is hard for us to see that we're good enough on our own.
So here's the question: "What labels do you carry with you that you're using to define WHO you are?" and "Can you switch those labels to define WHAT you're doing instead"
- (ie. Right now I work as an executive at XYZ, vs., I'm an executive)
- (ie. Right now I have a boyfriend named John Smith, vs., I'm John Smith's girlfriend)
See you on the wire
-- Steven Cardinale
------------- Full Speech -----------
'Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Take all myself.'
4 comments:
Interesting concept however, I have to be the challenger in this.
There is a sense of pride and strength being able to say that, "I am mom", "I am so and so's girlfriend/wife." It means that I have made a choice to be in a position based on the knowledge of who I am and what I want/need to get out of this life/relationship. I could not make this choice to be in the relationship if I first did not know who I was.
I would love to hear your thoughts back,
Sheila
It is a very interesting topic. I do believe we are divided into many identities that are not conducive to being pin downed, named or labeled at the moment I am being perceived by another individual. By commenting on this blog at this moment I am identifying myself as "blog commentator" As soon as I end this comment, I will be doing something else from which I can add identity and of which to name it would not, nor could not identify the Joseph Cardinale that is being perceived instaneously moment to moment outside myself. Sound like Meisner?
Stephen, Very moving post! We are so much more than what we call ourselves or how others define us. I do have fleeting moments when I am aware of who I am rather than what I do. Very liberating!!
Stephen,
You are so right here. I am a life coach and I see this all the time. The worst is when someone has been forcibly removed from their label and then can't let it go. (Wives whose husbands leave them or vice versa, people fired or laid off from jobs.)
It seems that when we make the choice to change what we do on our own, that the change of the label "who we are" comes easier.
Really astute stuff here. Thanks for sharing. (I gave you a 5 star rating.)
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