Recently I've adopted a behavioral strategy that seems to be working in my personal life even though it is a really hard core game theory behavior and doesn't include any input for social issues.
Mirroring
or
Tit for tat
Basically I always am nice and cooperative. And in fact will bend over backwards to help someone out. However, when someone is not friendly I am even more unfriendly (ie when someone is inappropriate to me, I immediately mirror that behavior and increase the intensity).
Now why in God's name would I ever do this? Well, it is becoming more and more apparent that the only thing I can control is my own behavior: My own reaction to external circumstances. I know that sounds a bit EST-like, and I'm not a big believer in those ideas. But no matter how hard I try to explain, teach, plead, hope, persuade, people seem to be so entrenched in their own agendas that I'm not making any headway.
And it hurts. I'm getting hurt by trying, by not trying, by letting go, etc.
So I've decided to mirror. If you're helpful, I'm more helpful; if you're inappropriate, I'm more inappropriate. However, I quickly forgive. So if you hurt me now, but in 5 minutes you help me, I'll also help you in 6 minutes.
And damn it, it seems to be working. People are behaving better. Now the important question ... why?
Well, it seems that mirroring or tit for tat is an easy behavior to predict (you know exactly what I'm going to do), but a hard behavior to live with (as soon as you do something hurtful, you know what's coming next). From an economics standpoint it is transparent and directly applies external costs appropriately.
Free riders are gone, personal agendas get exposed, purely egocentric acts are charged their real costs.
Now the question that remains ... will this kill my social life? Hum, I'll have to look into this one.
See you on the wire
- Steven
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