Trying and doing

Recently I've been interacting with a bunch of people who keep telling me they are trying to get something done. They keep on trying and trying but the thing never gets done. When I talk to these folks I hear all sorts of reasons, but mainly they are just trying.

It seems like TRYING IS JUST NOT DOING IN PROGRESS.

Is trying enough? This is a tough question, because how can we tell our children "well honey just do your best" (ie try really, really hard) "and that will be good enough for me." But it is not good enough for everyone else. No one on the outside world cares that you tried. Even tried really hard.

Trying to get into an Ivy League school doesn't mean anything. There are a whole truckload of kids who tried to get good grades, tried to do well on their SATs, tried to do extra activities, etc. But Harvard, Stanford, MIT and the rest of the top tier colleges don't care. In fact they won't even look at your application if you just tried. You better have DONE. GOTTEN good grades, PERFORMED well on the SAT, LEAD really amazing extra activities, because they are only interested in people to tried and did ... succeeded.

The market doesn't care about your trying. You can try to be the best employee, lover, spouse, parent, product, team, organization. People external to you (ie the market) don't care. They will go to where the most value is (see my value post).

It's tough to be the best in the world (see Seth Godin's "The Dip" book), but everything else is just an excuse and doesn't matter. Good conversation for coffee, but won't make a difference in the final analysis.

So how do YOU stop trying and start doing?

See you on the wire

- Steven

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

Recently I've adopted a behavioral strategy that seems to be working in my personal life even though it is a really hard core game theory behavior and doesn't include any input for social issues.

Mirroring

or

Tit for tat

Basically I always am nice and cooperative. And in fact will bend over backwards to help someone out. However, when someone is not friendly I am even more unfriendly (ie when someone is inappropriate to me, I immediately mirror that behavior and increase the intensity).

Now why in God's name would I ever do this? Well, it is becoming more and more apparent that the only thing I can control is my own behavior: My own reaction to external circumstances. I know that sounds a bit EST-like, and I'm not a big believer in those ideas. But no matter how hard I try to explain, teach, plead, hope, persuade, people seem to be so entrenched in their own agendas that I'm not making any headway.

And it hurts. I'm getting hurt by trying, by not trying, by letting go, etc.

So I've decided to mirror. If you're helpful, I'm more helpful; if you're inappropriate, I'm more inappropriate. However, I quickly forgive. So if you hurt me now, but in 5 minutes you help me, I'll also help you in 6 minutes.

And damn it, it seems to be working. People are behaving better. Now the important question ... why?

Well, it seems that mirroring or tit for tat is an easy behavior to predict (you know exactly what I'm going to do), but a hard behavior to live with (as soon as you do something hurtful, you know what's coming next). From an economics standpoint it is transparent and directly applies external costs appropriately.

Free riders are gone, personal agendas get exposed, purely egocentric acts are charged their real costs.

Now the question that remains ... will this kill my social life? Hum, I'll have to look into this one.

See you on the wire

- Steven

Decisions and Cost

So today is September 1 and I've noticed I'm antsy, perturbed, nervous, can't sit still, and I'm wondering why. What is it about September 1 that has caused me to feel this way. Well nothing; nothing in particular and everything in general. And what does that mean? Well it means my decisions are not driving me towards where I want to be.

So here is the question that I've put to myself: "What decisions am I making and what are they costing me?"

Wow ... that's one hell of a statement. And the corollary: "Am I DECIDING not to get where I want to go?" That's a strong statement as well.

In thinking through this, it is obvious that I'm making decisions without looking at what those decisions are costing me. What does that mean? Well, it's kinda like looking in the kitchen cabinets, finding a snack and downing that snack all before you realize that you've broken your diet.

These implicit costs are there, just like the extra pound that you put on when you were eating without thinking about it. These costs are happening; things aren't getting done, I'm making all sorts of reasons why things aren't moving forward ... but the reality is I'm making decisions without my eyes open.

Of course that naturally leads to the following statement:

"All decisions have costs whether you are aware of them or not; even the decision not to decide"

I think just recognizing that is an important step (as they say, knowing you have a problem is the first step). Of course the next thing to do is to really look at the costs I'm incurring when I decide (or decide not to decide) to do something.

And where do costs come from:

* Opportunity costs (could I be doing something that is more valuable)
* Externalities (is my decision affecting something or someone else)
* Reputation (will others behave differently in the future due to my decision today)

There are a bunch of other implicit costs that I'll go over in a future blog on true costs, but there are plenty of costs involved here.

So, pay attention to what you do (remember an unexamined life is not worth living) and what it costs you ... since you'll pay ... even if you don't think you will.

See you on the wire.

- Steven