The River

(ok guys … this is a long one … be warned … but it’s worth squeezing every drop out of every moment)

I’ve grown weary raging against the sea. At first I thought I was railing against forces much bigger than I; stronger than I; more powerful than I. But I’m good at playing the underdog; at picking up the role of David and taking up arms against Goliath in a battle of disproportionate worlds.

But this battle feels different. This battle is not a solid battle of worlds. It is not even a battle of ideas or ideologies. I felt this as I railed against the sea. I felt it deep inside my core. My battle is neither with the sea nor any other tangible or ephemeral thing. My battle rages within. The forces of the sea are not real, they don’t exist. The forces pushing and pulling at me sit dead center in my core. These tidal waves of pressure are an illusion. A phantom conjured up by my monkey mind. And once I realized that, once I became one with the sea, my raging vanished like so much gossamer.

So, for a moment, I thought, I have Serenity, Peacefulness. I thought by letting go of my thirst for adventure, excellence, excitement, I had attained something.

Nope, nope, nope. As soon as I wanted nothing, I realized that want, the want of nothing, had me raging against myself again. Raging to let go of excellence. Raging to let go of expanding myself, expanding those around me, expanding everything I touch.

So for the past few days I’ve been vacillating between trying to be a serene empty vessel and trying to pull my world forward.  Two Trying’s … two wants that are exactly at opposite ends.

The Trying of Serenity forces me to relinquish all cravings for excellence. All wants for the next best thing

The Trying of Achievement forces me to relinquish all cravings for peacefulness and to continue to fight the good fight at all costs

You can have Serenity or Achievement but not both. And suddenly I’m raging against the machine … again.

And there it was. My answer … for today at least. Staring me right in the face. It is the Tyranny of the Or. We don’t have to pick, to choose. It is the choice that is causing the rift in time and space. The need to pick one child over the other.

When I replaced the Tyranny of the Or with the Freedom of the And, my perspective shifted.

For my soul to grow and my spirit to remain centered I need to pursue Serene Excellence.

What is Serene Excellence? It is our ability to pull the human race forward without the hard edge of ego. It comes from being the sea. Being the River. Being Water.

I know we’ve all heard this before, but hearing it and having it flow through you are two different things.

In order to be water, to pursue Serene Excellence, you have to let go of outcome. Stop worrying about where the river is taking you and become the river. At times soft and supple, and at times hard, forceful, caring out Grand Canyons through time. The river never worries about where it is going to end up. It just is the river.

So take your course, the journey matters, not winning the battle. Inching your way one drop at a time. Exploring each moment fully (or as Eckhart Tolle says experiencing the Power of Now).  If you become the river, let go of outcome, be present for the journey, you can experience Serene Excellence, if only for a moment.

So here’s my question: “What battle rages inside you?” “What expectation are you holding on to so tightly that it stops you from flowing?” Could you let go of outcome just once today but keep flowing? If you can, you may experience Serene Excellence if only for a moment.

See you on the wire

-- Steven Cardinale

The Sea

It’s night and before me stretches a great expanse of the Mediterranean sea. It’s openness and vastness casts a shadow over me and forces me to realize I am still struggling against a sea of calm.

It’s this sea of calm that I am fighting against that brings me to the edge of the ocean at this moment in time. Have you ever felt it? Ever wondered why we fight with the flow of events? Why we become so aligned with a single purpose that we fight an entire ocean?

It is here that I am standing desperately trying to let go of my iron grip on things that are not only beyond my control, but to let go of my iron grip on things that do not wish to be controlled, nay cannot be controlled either by forces inside themselves or by my meager grip.

This is the most difficult path I have come upon. To let go of things I cannot change. It is not my nature to let go. It is my nature to fight. It is my nature to win. And I am good at that. I am good at bending the world to my whim and winning. I am also good at losing, at struggling so hard for acceptance that I remain in battle too long, that I remain enchanted too long, that I remain engaged in a fight that cannot be won, a fight that has no winner or loser, but in a fight that only burns through energy and time and space.

So here is my question … to myself this time: “How can I recognize when to let go and when to fight and how to know which is which”

See you on the wire

-- Steven Cardinale

Thirst

It’s 2 am and everything is quiet. At the bar in a tiny little town, with nothing but the sound of the keys on the computer as I type away. Here is where the ghosts lay down and the moments of the day stir around me. Here is where my dreams explode into a Technicolor display of fire and ice.  Here is where I finally let go enough to realize I am desperately thirsty.

You’ve been here too. Our own personal 2am when everything is quiet and your mind finally sleeps enough that the real you has a chance to break through the clutter.

You’ve been here too; when you thirst for something: Something to quell that desperate longing for a hot fire. That thirst for something more than the tangible daily routine. That thirst for to taste the astonishing. That thirst outside yourself where you can truly expand your humanity and be something more than who the daily routine demands of you.

I know you’ve felt it. You’re as parched as me for the indescribable wine of life. And at 2 am you can’t take it , the desire has built up, and you’re finally ready to crush some grapes and make the wine of your life.

Do it. The universe demands you to do it. To be bigger than you have been in your past: To dare to take the first step: To live, to love, to excite, to risk, to challenge yourself to be something more than you’ve become.

So here’s my question: “What can you do to keep that thirst alive?” Not just a 2 am whim to explore the unexplored, but a way to stay parched and salivating for the next part of your life.  Can you? Every day try for 30 seconds to remember your 2 am thirst.  If you can, maybe you’ll wake up at the bar one day so far from where you where that you don’t know how you got here, drinking from life’s cup.

See you on the wire

-- Steven Cardinale

A Real Fantasy

You’ve wanted it for so long. You didn’t even know you wanted it, but then suddenly you’re there, it’s there, and the fantasy begins. And it changes you. It ignites something in you that you thought was lost, or worse, dead and gone. It ignites something in you that changes you, moves you, won’t let you go back to that old world.  The fantasy has been given life and you shudder when you touch it.

The fantasy can be a person, a place, an idea. It doesn’t matter what form it takes, but when it lights up, you become alive, more alive than you thought possible.

What is it about a fantasy? Why does it taste so good? Is it the desire piece? Is it what I spoke about in my “Wanting is better than Having” post? Is it that the fantasy is always unobtainable so we’re constantly in the chase?

And what happens when we come face-to-face with reality? What does

The Reality of Fantasy

Or

The Fantasy of Reality

look like?

When fantasy and reality collide what happens to the thirst for the fantasy. I guess I’m really asking “Are fantasies fleeting”? When the harsh light of day illuminates the fantasy can you still maintain that same thirst you had in the first place?

I’ve been pushing on this question quite a bit lately. Maybe all fantasies ARE fleeting … but does that matter?  When the daylight of time, distance, distraction, work, money, exhaustion dulls our fantasy senses, can we be present enough to recognize it and spin the desire to still want the fantasy?

So here’s my question: “When the reality collides with the fantasy, what can you do to ignite the fantasy again?” It doesn’t have to really bring the fantasy back to its original light, but it does need to let us actually appreciate the reality of the fantasy.

See you on the wire

-- Steven Cardinale

Your Story

It’s all about the tale to be told: About the stories of your life.

Do you know your story? If you sat down right now and had to write out where you’ve been, what you’ve seen, who you’ve touched … would you be satisfied?

Maybe it’s enough: Your story up to this point. But if you have spent any time reading this blog I intuit that you’re up for more. That the story of your life may have had some ups and downs, but you are not even close to finished with your rock-and-roll ride.

We don’t usually think about our life’s story until it ends, until we’re near the end and we look back, sometimes soulfully, sometimes regretfully, at the circumstances that accidentally crossed our doorstep. But what if there was another way: A way not to accidentally allow your story to unfold, but a way to consciously curate your next chapters.

What if you could live a designed life, a consciously curated life, a life so full of wonder that it takes even your own breath away? Would you? Could you?

I recently had the chance to spend an evening with a few rambunctious college students. And you know what, this group has no boundaries. They don’t understand the word no, or live within the confines of their predecessor's societal norms. They are brilliant in their ability to desperately need to handcraft their own stories.

Along with my rambunctious college kids I was wondering the streets of NYC and had the chance to see stories unfold through the restaurant windows, the displays of shops, and the bustle and hum of New York. And you know what, it turned a spring in me, a hunger to consciously write my next chapter. The city can do that to do … make you hungry.

So here’s my question: “What would it take for you to shed your current writing style and re-write your world?” I know it’s scary, and nerve wracking, and … and … thrilling.  Tell me … what’s your next chapter about.

See you on the wire

-- Steven Cardinale

Passion

Exploring with curiosity and seeing the world through new eyes creates a passion that is hard to compare. Getting completely lost within someone, something, some place losing yourself is the passion we all crave.

Have you ever dissolved into a new experience? Become lost, consumed, overwhelmed with a new … something?  It’s that out-of-body experience I’m exploring. Not necessarily the new age definition of an out-of-body experience, but something more about the coupling of an experience, a person, place or thing that let’s your mind quiet down, and for a moment you are not the same "you" that awoke this morning.

We chase this experience by playing with drugs, getting drunk, having that one sexual union that opens up the universe, running until we’re high. All of us want to lose our mind every once in a while in a safe place and truly connect with something outside ourselves.

Some of you might think I’m talking about religion, but if you know me at all, that is definitely not what I’m referring to. What I’m talking about is becoming a witness to your own spinning mind, stepping outside, and asking yourself what your are really passionate about. If you can let go of your mind then you can explore your passions and you’ll be amazed at what a little walk down Curiosity Avenue can reveal.

So here’s my question: “What, who, where, can you be passionate about for a moment.” And remember passion means you’re willing to let go of yourself and dissolve completely into someone, someplace or something else. You’re willing to become so curious that your passion burns white hot and you explore something beyond yourself.

So do it. Let go to your inner passion for a second and see what you find. Might be more interesting, and more than just a little terrifying, than you initially thought.

See you on the wire

-- Steven Cardinale

The Windmills of my Mind

So I’m off on an adventure, traveling the globe with a specific destination in mind: Africa: The plains of Kenya and Tanzania and the mountain jungles of Uganda. But I’m not really exploring the terrain and creatures living in the jungle and on the plains, although I will definitely encounter and engage with many different species, both human and otherwise.

What I’m really exploring when I travel is inside my mind. I’m exploring the regions of my mind that keep my feet in the same spot they have been for a while. I’m trying to let the gears of my mind roam free and dislodge the muck and mire of my own and other’s notions. I’m desperately trying for a moment to be free of the maps I’ve drawn in my mind that shut me down. I’m trying to free myself from my mind and be completely alive.

What does it mean to be alive? It means to be open: Open to new ideas. Open to new thoughts, new conventions, to let go of what you think is all the answers. Letting go of my assumptions of what is right, what is possible, what is accepted, what I should be doing. To let go of the daily cacophony of noise that fills my room and keeps me moving in the same old direction. And it’s simple things that make an impact. For example, did you know that getting an Ice Tea in the Heathrow airport in London is virtually impossible? What I was so sure was a simple request has suddenly become a major challenge. What I thought was part of the maps of my life (that Ice Tea would always be there simply within my reach) evaporated with a simple plane ride.

Staying in the same spot for too long will dull your senses. It will provide you the illusion that all the answers you have come up with are the right answers. I’ve said it many times: “A better question is more important than the right answer. Because it is usually and right answer to the wrong question.” So the question is not “how can I get the Ice Tea I’m used to”, the better question is “what are the drinks in this place now.”

Find and surround yourself with people who have better questions. Surround yourself with people who don’t carry prejudice (they haven’t pre-judged people, places, or things). Prejudice freezes your ability to live. It is the opposite of alive. We are not born with prejudices, we are open and free. We are taught pre-judgment by the tastes of others given to us. Better questions force you to burn the maps in your mind and explore the forbidden, the unknown, the taboo. The questioning forces you to be intelligent, to explore with curiosity and go wrong many many times until the truth starts to reveal itself. Not because you became and explorer and found it, but because you let go of your old world and became awash in a new one.

So here is my question: “What old world beliefs create the maps and windmills of your mind?” What if you didn’t have access to the Ice Tea of your day, how would things change? What if suddenly your professional career evaporated? What if your family didn’t know you? What if you couldn’t get your Ice Tea? Would you be better? Would you change? Would you suddenly explore a new terrain and map of your mind? Do it. Let go of something. Something simple but something that you cling to, and see where you end up on the African plains of your life.

See you on the wire

-- Steven Cardinale

Technicolor

I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced it. True color. Visual vibrations so bright that everything shifts. Blues so brilliant they shimmer off the water. Rambunctious Reds; Golds that make your breath hitch; and Chocolate Browns so deep they melt into puddles on your tongue. I’m not talking about colors you can see.

I’m talking about the colors of your life. The colors of your expression; The colors of experience. 

Recently I’ve had the chance to experience grey. You know that grey: The grey of an anesthetized life. It’s kind of a corporate color, almost a uniform of modern society. A drab mixture of duty, social constructs, should’s and would’s with just a pinch of gotta make it happens. It’s a grey we’re all used to. It colors our world from the inside out. Makes everything look less … appetizing.

But then a shift happened: Partially conscious, partially driven by the winds of fate, partially

a desperate hunger in myself to start tasting the passion in life again.

And the conscious piece was less about a drive towards color and more of an awareness of how I refuse to live life without dipping it in color. An awareness of a moment when I understood how to really bite into the tomato of life and have it drip red ripe color down my chin.

So here’s my question: “Are you living in Technicolor?” If so enjoy it. Embrace it. Taste it. Get your tongue wet with it. When did you start tasting in color? Do you remember the moment? Don’t let that moment go.

And if you’re still in black, white and grey, here’s the challenge: What would you have to do to let your world explode in color? Who would you have to meet, where would you have to go, what would you have to do? Close your eyes and imagine for a moment … then let yourself go there and take a …

Big bright colorful bite out of life.

See you on the wire

-- Steven Cardinale

Fascinating and Enchanting

Fascinating and Enchanting

What enticing words ... Fascinating ... Enchanting.

They drip with excitement, promise, edge. They entice with wonder, discovery, taboo, hypnotism. That moment when you find yourself holding your breath and you're not exactly sure why. That rush of adrenaline you get when the outcome is uncertain. When you are Fascinated ... Enchanted.

And you know it when you see it, when you feel it, when you encounter it. You know deep in your core when that moment of fascination, of enchantment, ignites and you can no longer contain your curiosity and you're pulled in that direction.

I live for these moments. I suspect we all do. We all desperately crave those moments when up becomes down, when the Noise In Your Head (definitely listen to the song in this post while you're reading this one and The Noise In My Head post) simply won't quiet down and you are forced down a new path. A new way of thinking. A new idea, a new relationship, a new moment in time when beyond this nothing will be the same. Everything from now on has the possibility of being fascinating and enchanting.

What are the ingredients of Fascination? What is the recipe for Enchantment? In the TED talk, The Secret to Desire, Esther says the ingredients of desire are imagination, playfulness, novelty, curiosity, mystery. That sounds like the same shopping list for enchantment and fascination. Maybe the main flavors of fascination and enchantment are the same flavors of desire. The desire to feel alive, awake, passionate, engaged.

So here's my question: "When was the last time you were fascinated and enchanted?" With an idea. With a person. With a place. Do you remember? Can you taste it? Feel it? Smell it? Can you bring that moment to life at will?

Could you, if you really wanted, fascinate and enchant yourself? Could you build a life that fascinates and enchants not just you but everyone around you?

I bet if you are curious enough, you could. You could write a narrative that explodes on to the pages of your world and lights the words on fire. If you let go of all the taboos, the should's, the I don't know's ... if you got out of your own way and explored the world, both inside your core and outside the tip of your tongue, you could create ... well ... I don't know ... isn't that the whole Raison d'être.

At least that's my challenge to you. Find fascination, explore enchantment, create wonder, mischief and desire.

See you on the wire

 -- Steven Cardinale

The Magic of Couples

The Magic of Couples

Good night, good night. Parting is such sweet sorrow That I shall say good night till it be morrow.

Who hasn't heard that quote from Shakespeare in Romeo and Juliet. It's one of the most famous couplets of all time. Couplets got me thinking. Poetic couplets are "two lines forming a complete thought". Human couplets are two people forming one complete thought. Professional couplets are two individuals forming a strong union.

Custom crafting our couplets, our pair bonds, our connections is what it is all about.  Building amazing partnerships with people, places and things let's us open up, be vulnerable, be strong, be more than we are alone. And when it comes down to it, that's what we all crave: connection and community. There is a great TED Talk about vulnerability, by Brene Brown. She says "... connection is why we're here. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives" (3:20).

Couplets, pairs, companions, mates ... they all take a big leap of faith ... they all require our letting go and getting vulnerable ... they all require nurturing, giving, putting someone or something first, ahead of ourselves. That step of trust, that leap of faith, that letting go of your own needs and giving totally to something outside of you is what ignites the bond. And what makes that couplet so much more magical than any individual.

You can couple with a person, a romantic partner, an idea, a place, a group of people, a place. Couplets don't have to be just with a person. We make couplets all the time with all sorts of things: jobs, companies, music, ideas.

So here's my question: "When was the last time you truly made a couplet?" When was the last time that you let go and fully committed to a pair? A pair in anything. A place, a group, an idea, a person. And did you do it with your eyes open?

See you on the wire

-- Steven Cardinale