Do I Deserve ???
Do you ever ask yourself that question? "Do I deserve ???"Have you ever wondered "Am I really worth it?" "Am I really worth her or him?", "Do I really deserve the raise?", "Should I be getting all this attention?"
If you know me at all you know I'm not a big believer in the word "deserve". I don't think it exists. I think it is a human construction that contains so many connotations that it doesn't deserve to be part of a serious discussion. (that was a joke).
I do believe in earning something and being worthy of some thing, some one, some ...
And yes at some level, I think we all have earned something and are worthy of someone.
So why is it so hard to let go and be accepted? I get that every day. That feeling that it would be so amazing to just let some one, some idea, some place fully and truly accept me. And just as I get to the edge of that moment ... bang, pow, whew ... my gremlins kick in and tell me I'm not worthy, not deserving, not ... well you know.
And they're sneaky. They come up in so many different ways. They tell me I shouldn't be doing this or that. Or that I'm not as good as I think I am. Or a thousand other crazy words that swirl around in my head.
But maybe, just maybe, it is in those times of vulnerability that our ability to accept that we ARE worthy, that we DO deserve, really can shine through. Maybe it's in our moments of questioning that we really ARE worthy, and when you find some one, some place, some group who really accepts you in your most vulnerable moment that you become strong, that you shine through, that you are finally grounded and shine.
So here's my question: "When was the last time you felt unworthy, undeserving, vulnerable, and did you touch it, name it, feel it, and let it make you stronger?" Do you know what I mean? If you can do that. If you can dodge your inner gremlins, touch the void and then realize that by being vulnerable you are more deserving than ever, then maybe you are worth it.
See you on the wire
-- Steven Cardinale
