One Single Moment

That's all it takes. One Single Moment. That's all it takes to change the course of history. To change YOUR course of history. To change THE path.

Pink Floyd, Yet Another Movie, has some of the most poignant lines about One Moment, One Single Moment (one sound, one single sound) where your choice all lined up and made a difference. Do you remember the last moment that happened? Were you conscious? Did you make your choice with your eyes wide open? Were you awake when you made that choice and would you do it again? Did you curate your path, your point of inflection from then on, or did you let your unconscious addictions drive you?

This concept of a new path once past the point of no return has captivated me lately. We all make choices that push us past a point of no return. The question is did you do it with intention, or was is just an accident of fate? Can you remember, really remember, those vital points when you finally made THE choice?

• The new job
• The new baby
• The new partner
• The new love
• The turning away from a chance
• The exploration of the unknown
• The leaving behind of a way of thinking

Were you fully committed, fully awake, fully engaged when you made that choice? Or did you let the winds of time push you down another path?

So here's my question: "Can you engage yourself and curate your next step?" Next time can you consciously curate who are with, who you want to be, where you want to go and not let your old baggage entice you to meander?

See you on the wire

-- Steven Cardinale

Maybe

Maybe.  What a wonderful word.  A word full of surprises and hope and dreams. Maybe we'll find each other soon. Maybe this time, I'll be lucky. Maybe a chance of a lifetime, a love of a lifetime, an idea of a lifetime is just around the corner.

Why do I love maybe so? Maybe it's because it lives at the edge of certainty. Maybe doesn't have the bitter taste of No, or Never, or Goodbye.  And Maybe doesn't have the certainty inside of Of Course, Absolutely, or Why Not. Maybe is at the edge. It's the moment before you land the job, win the award, or kiss the girl. Maybe's linger in the air and provide that rush of adrenaline that you get when the outcome is uncertain.

But Maybe can't be taken for granted. You shouldn't say maybe when you really mean no but just can't get the words out. You shouldn't say maybe when you desperately want to say yes, but you're embarrassed, afraid, or too shy. You should save your Maybe's for that moment in time when you really aren't sure if yes or no is the best path. Save your maybe's for when life's little wonders are at the edge of your tongue or the tip of your mind.

So here's my question: "What could you say maybe to tomorrow, next week, next year?" What person, place, thing, love, passion, idea, needs a maybe right now? How would your life change if you let a maybe drift into your world when you've been saying no, or take a breather and instead of committing because you're scared, think a moment and say maybe?  How could a simple maybe, a simple moment at the edge, change everything?

See you on the wire

-- Steven Cardinale

Twilight

It's 6 AM. The sun will rise in just a bit. It's quiet and I finally have room for my thoughts. You know that time: Twilight. That moment when darkness is being pressed out of existence by the light. That moment when the edge of sleep gives way to the moment of awakening. The promise of a new day. The promise of a moment of wakefulness, enlightenment. A chance to seize the moment and wake up and start anew.

It was just such a moment for me today. Early, when nothing was rushing me to beat the clock, to squeeze another to-do item from my list, but just a moment to awaken, breathe, open my eyes and look around to see what the world is like without the unending pressures of the day. And oh what wonders did I see.

At first it's difficult, scary even, to try and look at yourself and your world through eyes that are not pressed to the back of your skull with the emergencies of the day. But as you breathe and allow yourself the space to open up to the wonders of a new day, things hit you. You begin to see where you are, really, not where everyone else wants you to be, but where you are at this moment. What dream state you've been living in. And how another night sleepwalking through life is such a waste of time.

I realized that I'm sleepwalking through most of my day. Just kind of meandering around without purpose. So, this morning, I woke up ... a little (yes I know one morning alone is not enough, you need a lifetime, but stick with me on this). This morning I decided to take conscious control of my relationships. In other words: to alpha-up in my life.

• To be the leader of my own narrative.
• To decide how I will be treated.
• To decide who I will curate into and out of my life.
• To consciously devote my most precious resource, my time, to a world of importance and not urgency.

So here's my question: "How do you want to wake up?" What things can you do today so that you don't find yourself dreaming the same monotonous dream a year from now? What steps every day do you need to take to keep shaking yourself awake? What people do you need to curate into or out of your life? What circumstance do you need to transcend? How will you open your eyes and keep them open, day-after-sleep-day?

See you on the wire

-- Steven Cardinale

What do I deserve? And Am I Worthy?

Do I Deserve ???

Do you ever ask yourself that question? "Do I deserve ???"

Have you ever wondered "Am I really worth it?" "Am I really worth her or him?", "Do I really deserve the raise?", "Should I be getting all this attention?"

If you know me at all you know I'm not a big believer in the word "deserve". I don't think it exists. I think it is a human construction that contains so many connotations that it doesn't deserve to be part of a serious discussion. (that was a joke).

I do believe in earning something and being worthy of some thing, some one, some ...

And yes at some level, I think we all have earned something and are worthy of someone.

So why is it so hard to let go and be accepted? I get that every day. That feeling that it would be so amazing to just let some one, some idea, some place fully and truly accept me. And just as I get to the edge of that moment ... bang, pow, whew ... my gremlins kick in and tell me I'm not worthy, not deserving, not ... well you know.

And they're sneaky. They come up in so many different ways. They tell me I shouldn't be doing this or that. Or that I'm not as good as I think I am. Or a thousand other crazy words that swirl around in my head.

But maybe, just maybe, it is in those times of vulnerability that our ability to accept that we ARE worthy, that we DO deserve, really can shine through. Maybe it's in our moments of questioning that we really ARE worthy, and when you find some one, some place, some group  who really accepts you in your most vulnerable moment that you become strong, that you shine through, that you are finally grounded and shine.

So here's my question: "When was the last time you felt unworthy, undeserving, vulnerable, and did you touch it, name it, feel it, and let it make you stronger?" Do you know what I mean? If you can do that. If you can dodge your inner gremlins, touch the void and then realize that by being vulnerable you are more deserving than ever, then maybe you are worth it.

See you on the wire

-- Steven Cardinale

A True Heart

You know that moment in time.  That one instant that touched you, that immediately changed you, that made you gaze at amazement at how perfectly flawless it could all be.  A connection so effortless that you curled up on the couch, let everything drip out of your mind and just embrace the true heart of the other.  Maybe it's your soulmate, maybe it's a child ... or a parent ... or a love ... or your true companion that takes the form of a pet ... No matter who it is, they don't judge, they accept, they adore you moment to moment so effortlessly that it can take your breath away.  They have a true heart for you that is so touching that it changes you and you're never the same.

We've experienced it, a true heart, a gentle spirit, that makes everything else effortless.  And you know when you've found them, you don't have to think about it or ask questions, you open yourself up to the experience, let your mind go, and become a true heart as well.

So here's my question: "If we desperately search and need a true heart from another, why can't we give it to ourselves?"  Most of us don't.  Most of us are good at judging ourselves, or perpetuate personal lies and self delusion, or beat ourselves so hard that we are unrecognizable in the mirror.

So here's the challenge: "Next time you look in the mirror, stop, take a breath, take a moment's break, and wonder out loud what it would be like if you were your own true heart.  Ask yourself out loud what the world would be like if you could adore yourself as effortlessly as your other true heart does."  And see if that makes a difference at the way you look at the world, the way the world looks back at you, and the way you look back at yourself.

See you on the wire

-- Steven Cardinale

Chasing Amy

I was talking with my daughter about the movie "Chasing Amy" the other day. And we were talking about the great scene where Silent Bob (what a wonderful name for a character) tells Holden about "chasing Amy" (full speech at the end of this post):

"I was afraid ... like I'd never be enough ... by the time I figured this all out, it was too late ... all I had to show for it was some foolish pride, which then gave way to regret ... So I've spent every day since then chasing Amy"

There's a great quote from Zachary Scott that says:

"As you grow older, you'll find the only things you regret are the things you didn't do."

And that's really all that Silent Bob is saying. He regrets letting Amy go and not chasing Amy.  He regrets the thing that he didn't do. He knows it now, but it's too late.

When you look up regret in Google you find all sorts of interesting ways to live your life.  To not let regret end up being the one thing that gets you when it is all over. It's easy to let things slip by.  To let the daily grind interfere with a truly amazing experience.  Or to let fear, your gremlins, your internal critic, stop you by telling you how you're never enough or you'll never do it. Getting past that is what it's all about.

Of course you are going to fail.  Of course you are going to screw up.  Of course you won't get it right.  That's the whole point: Fail, Forward, Fast.  But start that business, go on that trip, chase that love, do something unthinkable and see where it lands you.  Don't spend your life chasing Amy.  Even if you crash and burn you'll be much happier with the experience than if you spend the rest of your life wondering "what if?"

So here's the question is:

"How are you chasing Amy?"  What person, place or thing will you regret not chasing at the end of your life?

Are you still ...

• Chasing a dream?
• Chasing that love?
• Chasing the idea?

What have you let go of in your life that you'll still be chasing years from now?  Who, What, Where is your chasing Amy?

If you can really answer that question, and make a change, and chase what's worth chasing you'll find a sweeter taste at the end of each day: Even the tough ones.

So here's my challenge:

Write down three things you'd love to chase.: Three nouns: A Person, A Place, A Thing.  Nouns you want to chase and are worth chasing in 2012.  Then write down what it means to catch them by 12/31/12.  On New Years Eve this year, what would you have to do to feel that you've at least gotten close to catching them.  And paste this on your wall, on your mirror, on your door.  And look at them once a week.  If you can do this, you'll be closer every week to catching Amy and not just chasing Amy.

See you on the wire.

-- Steven Cardinale

----- Full Chasing Amy Speech -----

Holden: What? What did you say?

Silent Bob: You're Chasing Amy.

Jay: What do you look so shocked for, man, fat bastard does this all the time. He thinks just cause he doesn't say anything, it'll have this huge impact when he does open his fuckin' mouth...

Silent Bob: [to Jay] Jesus Christ, why don't you shut up? You're always yap-yap-yappin' all the time, you're givin' me a fuckin' headache. [to Holden] I went through something like what you're talkin' 'bout, 'couple years ago, this chick named Amy.

Jay: When?

Silent Bob: [annoyed] A couple of years ago? [to Holden] So there's me an' Amy, and we're all inseparable, right? Just big time in love. And then about four months down the road, the idiot gear kicks in, and I ask about the ex-boyfriend, which, as we all know, is a really dumb move, but you know how it is - you don't really want to know, but you just have to know, right? Stupid guy bullshit. Anyway she starts telling me all about him - how they fell in love, and how they went out for a couple of years, how they lived together, her mother likes me better, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah - and I'm okay. But then she drops the bomb on me, and the bomb is this: it seems that a couple of times, while they were going out, he'd brought some people to bed with them - ménage a trois, I believe it's called. Now this just blows my mind, right? I mean, I am not used to that sort of thing. I was raised Catholic, for God's sakes.

Jay: Saint Shithead.[Silent Bob elbows him. Jay raises his fist as if to strike]

Silent Bob: [to Jay] Do something. [to Holden] So I'm totally weirded out by this right? And I just start blasting her - like I don't know how to deal with what I'm feeling, so I figure the best way is by calling her "slut", and tell her she was used - I mean, I'm out for blood. I really want to hurt this girl. And I'm like "What the fuck is your problem?" and she's just all calmly trying to tell me, like, it was that time, it was that place, and she doesn't think she should apologize because she doesn't feel that she's done anything wrong. And I'm like, "Oh, really?" That's when I look her straight in the eye and tell her it's over. I walk.

Jay: Fuckin' A.

Silent Bob: No, idiot. It was a mistake. I wasn't disgusted with her, I was afraid. At that moment, I felt small - like...like I'd lacked experience, like I'd never be on her level, like I'd never be enough for her or something like that, you know what I'm sayin'? But what I did not get - she didn't care. She wasn't looking for that guy anymore. She was...she was looking for me, for - for the Bob. But, uh, by the time I figured this all out, it was too late, you know. She'd moved on, and all I had to show for it was some foolish pride, which then gave way to regret. She was the girl, I know that now. But I pushed her away. So I've spent every day since then chasing Amy...so to speak.

So lately the universe has been screaming at me:

"Let Go"

I scream back

"Let go of what?"

And of course, I don't get any good answers back.  I guess the answer is to let go of all the things in your past.  Maybe it means to let go of what I found in 2011.  Maybe since Chinese New Year started January 23, 2012, and it's the year of the Dragon (my Chinese animal sign is Dragon as well), I need to let go of everything before the Chinese New Year.

I get it.  I get that I hold on to things too long.  That I hold on when I should be releasing.  Ok, maybe I like the control.  Maybe I need the control.  Maybe I need to lose the control.  After all holding on is really an illusion.  You really can't hold on to things; either they stay around without your control or they don't. Letting go of everything is really the only way to keep what's important.

But sometimes it's hard to let go of the past. To let go of the people, places and things of the past: Your grammatical history.

• The past nouns that helped define your roles.
• The past verbs that specify what you've done and what you do
• The past adjectives that give the color to who you are

Your grammatical history are merely words.  Merely labels and names we give ourselves (see the "What's In a Name" post) to help fill the void.  Letting go of those words is tough.  I don't know if I'm ready to let go of certain parts of the people, places, and things that defined who I am but may not define who I'm going to be.  It's scary.

Joseph Campbell's quote is a good signpost since it gives us a glimpse at how to move forward.

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us" - Joseph Campbell

So how do you when it is time to walk away? Time to let go.  Sugar Ray Leonard said that it's time to let go when a man "doesn't have the same passion and commitment" that he used to.  That's when it's not just a rough spot, not just a dip, but time to let go.  I think he's right.  I say "when the story no longer rings true" then it's time to let go, lose control, and see what's around the corner.



So here's the question -

"What are you willing to let go of?" and is it time to "let the past go, so the future can reveal itself?"

The answer to that question appeared to me before I finished typing those words.  Now I know what I need to let go of ... do you?



So here's the challenge -

Can you ask yourself a better question?  Not the question of "Who am I?" (which is based on "who was I"), but the better question of "Who am I willing to become?"

We always have a good answer to the question of who we are or who we were, but it's the wrong question.  A better question is where all the juice is.  A better question requires a better answer.  The better question of who will we be from now on.  Stop answering tired, old, used up questions and new answers will make themselves known.



So do the work of letting go, scream back at the universe that you have

Let go

Then be quiet, really quiet, feel the space, and listen to what comes back.  You might be surprised at what you hear.



See you on the wire

-- Steven Cardinale